Like vs. Love vs. Pity vs. Hate

There are 15 more calendar days until the last day with my students. If you go by the school calendar, it's even less than that: 10 more days when attendance is counted, and of those ten only 5 or 6 of them could really be considered complete teaching days. I have mixed feelings about the closing of the year. I almost always do, but this year finds them more mixed than usual. There are some students I will not miss even a little once they leave my class for the final time. There are some it will be hard to let go.

Maybe not all teachers see students in the same categories / archetypes / characterizations / whatever that I see them in, but I'm betting more do than don't. The thing of it is, most of the students that come through your room during any given school year -- you like them. You enjoy spending time with them, you have fun getting to know them, you learn to appreciate the quirky bits of personality they carry with them. These kids come to school ready to learn, they're generally happy, they get along with others reasonably well and most of the time they try to do their best. You send these kids off into the summer with good feelings, happy you had the chance to work with them and get to know them.

Not all are so fortunate. Some kids you just have to pity, and mostly you feel this because of circumstances that affect their lives so much and are beyond their control. I can't even get into the laundry list of problems that would fit in this category, mostly because it would depress too many people to think that children have to live with these problems. And if you're living a life that too often feels on the verge of coming apart, how much of a priority do you think it would be to study your spelling list for the week? Even the kids who push your buttons so hard they make you want to explode? The ones that seem to add to your frustration daily, and do so with a purpose? You get angry, but you ultimately pity them because you know what they have to live through. I won't say I'm sorry to see all of these kids go, because they are the ones that bring the most stress into your life. And letting that go is never a bad thing.

You really can't hate any of them. I don't think you could do this job if you ever truly hated a student. My first and still most defining teacher told me once as I was forming what my idea of a teaching career would ultimately be that "You have to find something in each student you can love." I still believe this. Some sure make it hard to find, but you have to do it. Even if the only thing you can love about them is the occasional moments of clarity they have when you get through to them or when you see just a glimpse of the potential they would have were they not hauling a trainload of issues. Finding that one thing to love can make all the difference, and helps you remember to pity instead of hate.

And then rarely, so very very rarely, you will come across those students that you love. They are, in some way, your shining stars. You would do anything these kids, even voluntarily give them a kidney if that's what was necessary. You have a connection with them that just doesn't come around often -- every five or six years if you're lucky. They often hover around you and demand your attention, they can read your mind almost as easily as you can read theirs, and they usually reflect the qualities that you value the most. They're more mature, more intelligent, they have a sophisticated sense of humor and a heightened sense of decency. They are the ones you wish you could keep awhile longer. You want to see what happens in the coming years as they grow, and see how the story develops for them. As I wrap up my 18th year of teaching, I can count on my fingers how many students I've had that have reached me at that level.

But the year ends, and they move on, and the cycle continues. And the new batch shows up in the fall and you begin with renewed promise and possibility. But this time of year you think about the end. You see it coming more clearly. And if you have any of those special kids, you feel a little dread over the idea of the end. They make it hard to close the year.

My students this year? I have a wide collection of goofballs. And believe it or not, I mean that in the most complimentary way. Even with the frustration that I have to wade through daily, the large majority of my 80+ students this year are kids who possess a goofiness that I truly enjoy. But as soon as summer settles in and slowly rolls along, the memory and the attachment will fade. I'll confuse their names for their older brothers and sisters. I'll struggle to recall last names. And my head will start to make room for the new group waiting on the other side of the summer.

But even with the domination of the goofballs?

I know it already -- closing this year won't be easy.